An eight year inquisitive interest with D/s

For the past 8 years, Ive had an on again / off again "inquisitive interest" about the D/s lifestyle! When Ive read BDSMers blogs and viewed the pictures of their private parts
being contorted into many shapes via "pins/piercings", Ive come to the conclusion that they had to have been abused as children and/or as adults to have accepted this type of "safe, sane, consensual" punishment! And when they discuss the "dark side" can it be they are depressed due to the guilt of their aberrant sexual practices? Even us "vanilla people" get depressed but mainly due to the guilt, as a Christian, I lust married men! December 2007 I met such a person online and In January 2008 met him offline. I thought that by doing such I would for ever get over the attraction I felt for married men. Our "petting" with clothes on led to me giving him a "bj" with clothes off. When he didn't get what he wanted, he made up some story and left. Once I returned home, I went into a 3 month "guilt ridden" depression! LoL, Ive not learned from my experience because on Sunday, August 3, 2008 I allowed into my Instant Message chat a legally separated man but still in the eyes of God married! Am I attracted to him, yes still! And I know he would be the perfect person who could bring out my "submissive tendencies" as He's the most caring of all Dominants if I ever decided to lean the way of D/s!